With the first pick in the 2009 NFL Draft, the Lions select...
Just kidding,
i'm already sick of the NFL draft commercials, but still excited for the event nevertheless. Even though the Colts have some gaping holes in their defense, the consensus seems to be that
Polian will pick a
WR...which is a need as well. But enough w/ the NFL Draft...I have a better idea for this column. My friends welcome to Cook's first annual "bad-ass fictional character" draft.
Now I'm putting all superheros, television & movie characters, etc..., into this draft. Basically, your ideal bad-ass fictional character would include someone who has some sort of amazing talent(s), the ability to conquer over his opposition, viewers can identify w/ him/her, etc, along w/ many other qualities. They can be good or evil, but just as long as they are the best at what they do. You get the drift. And now the moment you've all been waiting for
With the first pick in the Bad-Ass Fictional Character draft:
#1 - James Bond. Seriously, what more would you want from a secret agent/hero? He has access to everything one would want...money, guns, cars, nice hotels, world secrets. There is always a new girl. He's stood the test of time....even though I wasn't a huge fan of the latest Bond movie. I think Bond would narrowly edge...
PICK #2 - Jack Bauer. Just look at his stats...enough said:
- Saved the world more times than my mom & dad have been married/divorced (6 between the two of them)
- Kicked a heroin habit in a 24 hour span
- Killed his partner because he had too
- Knows more gruesome torture techniques then the rest of us combined
- Broke a guy's neck by jumping off a wall into a roundhouse
- Killed his own brother because his bro was evil
- Survived the Writer's Guild strike
- Should have trademark rights on the phrase "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR!!!!"
- Andy named his cat after him (Bauer....even though she's a female)
PICK #3 - Kratos (from God of War video game series)
I know this one is probably very random for most of my readers and in my adult life i'm not a big video game player, w/ the exception of Guitar Hero, but let's just say he kills Zeus and essentially takes over the old Greek mythology world. From a video game standpoint, I can't think of a more worthy nominee.
PICK #4 - Keyser Soze (from The Usual Suspects movie). Now here is an interesting choice...Keyser actually turns out to be a fictional character in this movie's plot. But from the stories told in the movie about him, you would not want to mess w/ this guy. When he and his family is threatened by the Hungarian mob, legend shows that he murdered his own family that was being held hostage and then the rest of his attackers, but left one alive so that the survivor could tell his story about what went down... He then in turn takes down the whole Hungarian mob including their families and businesses. So we don't know much about him, but damn, you would not want to cross him.
PICK #5 - Vic Mackey. For those of you who didn't watch The Shield series, shame on you. Vic was able to be a crooked cop that somehow could justify his methods and tactics to the viewers so that you were always rooting for him. Again, like Jack, Vic's stats tell it all...
- Killed his partner who was investigating him and ended up getting immunity for it
- Robbed the Armenian mob money train for at least a couple million
- Orchestrated multiple gang wars to help keep peace on the streets as well as protect his own ass
- By quasi-controlling movements of many different LA gangs, he sorta controlled the drug flow in and around the LA area
- Blackmailed city and political officials and was able to justify it.
- I named my cat after him (Mackey)
I'm stopping at five....feel free to add your own suggestions as there are numerous bad-asses that deserve reference and have the resumes to justify a top 5 pick. I didn't get into any comic book characters, well, mainly because I was never a big fan of comics....but yeah, i'm sure you could make a case for a few of them.
2008 Income Taxable Income reviewed as of 4/15/09 - $43,910,127. well shy of my $103M guess...oh well.
Video of the Week - in honor of my #1 draft choice
(BTW - in follow up to my last post about
Scott & Sara, thank all of you for thoughts and prayers for them. A few of us grabbed dinner and drinks w/ Scott on Tuesday night and even though we didn't talk about the subject too much, it was good to see him out and trying to get back to normal.)
